Camouflage

If pretending to be happy is a fraud;

Then I'm guilty.

I'm going through real hard times.

Can I cry capriciously just for once?

Dilemma

No matter what I do

All I think about is you

Je t'aime

I want you to tell me the

8 Letters

3 Syllables

Words.

Snowman

Dear Mr. Snowman,

You always have a smile on your face.

Do you really feel happy?

Or you're just made to smile?

Taste of Bitter

I thought I have already hold my happiness firmly in my palms.

Eventually it just slipped away in silence.

It's a long night, I feel like as I am the only solitude in the world.

Alcohol is insufficient to anesthetize;

Cigarette is no longer the companion of loneliness;

Tears is unable to discharge my bleeding heart.

I'm numb and tired of this.

The payoffs we sacrificed brew our love.

I can still feel your breath in the air.

The only thing I am tranquil of.

The smell of the atmosphere makes me feel like kissing you.

Smoke; Has the impact of floating confusion.

Why do people smoke? It's simple.

Because smoking keeps people sober.

It's called nicotine paralysis.

Cigarette sacrifices itself for me.

I look at the dark cloudy sky;

Instantly I found the touch of lost.

This is the path of my choice.

I must finish it even crawling with my knees down.

Happiness has always seems to be distant;

Abstract; And hallucinate.

Despair might be the last exit of life.

I finally understand why could man end their life easily.

Because we might be able to hold a moment of tragic pain;

But we could not bear the loneliness day after day.

Boxing Day

Boxing Day symbolizes the end of Christmas.

I did not celebrate my Christmas this year like I used to.

I still prefer the tradition - celebrating with family and family friends.

I did not have turkey during my Christmas dinner.

I did not receive Christmas present.

I did not go to the church for Christmas celebration.

I did not get to decorate the Christmas tree with my family.

But being blessed, I heard Christmas caroling in accidental.

And, I heard the sweetest Merry Christmas from my most love one.

She even sang Jingle Bells to me.

'Last Christmas' is my favorite Christmas Song.

Last Christmas I give you my heart;

But the very next day you gave it away;

This year, to save me from tears;

I'll give it to someone special.

I miss my childhood;

When I got to exchange presents with friends;

When I wrote letter to Santa Claus;

When my parents were my Santa Claus;

When I got my Christmas gifts under the Christmas tree;

When I went to Christmas fancy dress party;

When I had my Christmas family dinner;

When I went to church for Christmas celebration;

When the caroling team came to my house and sing;

When I prayed and said Merry Christmas, Amen.

I wish my parents are still my Santa Claus.

I wish I can go home during Christmas.

I wish I can have a present to unwrap.

But all these are just unreachable wishes.

The one and only wish I wanted desperately;

I wish my family is here with me during Christmas.

4 Stages of Life

1. You believe in Santa Claus

2. You don't believe in Santa Claus

3. You are Santa Claus

4. You look like Santa Claus

Winter is so cold

It is Winter Solstice Festival today; Well known as Dongzhi.

One of the most important festivals celebrated by the Chinese.

Traditionally, it is a time for the family to get together.

The most important activity in this festival is:

Making and Eating glutinous rice balls; aka Tong Yuen.

Tong Yuen symbolizes family unity and prosperity.

However, I could not have reunion with my family today.

I can feel how cold the winter is.

Everyone around me is making their Tong Yuen with their family.

However, I am here sitting in front of the screen;

Looking for Tong Yuen images and my family portrait.

I envy those that are celebrating this festival with families.

You should appreciate and be grateful.

Anyway;

Happy Winter Solstice Festival.

Lost

Somehow I feel I'm in the middle of nowhere

I wonder where do I belong to?

Where would the next step leads me to?

Be strong, Cath

You're like my younger sister

Innocent and naive in a cute way
Used to be happy and out-going
I love to see you smile
So sweet and beautiful
I miss your laughter
So loud and funny
And last but not least
The way you curse - WTF?!

I know you're sad
This is just a stage of your life
You're still young there's a lot to learn
I've been through what you're experiencing
All you need is time to heal
Remember, this is not the worst thing
At least you still have your family & friends

Crying is to release your sorrows
So cry all you want
I'll cry together with you
As long as you know when to stop crying
You can't force yourself to erase the memory
It's part of your life
Just move on my dear :)

Sigh for Regrets

I wish I can lock myself in the tunnel of childhood memories

Head back to the age of innocence

All the time I wish I'd never be grown up

I want my childhood back so badly

Unconsciously I feel so cold-hearted

As it'll never feel good to be an adult

I don't want that

We spent a wonderful time together

I've started to miss you once I said goodbye

I hate this kind of relationship

More than a friend but not yet a couple

You told me I'm a special friend for you

But what I hope is more than a special friend

We're so close yet I could not enter your heart

I can't wait to know what will we become in the future

I just hope you would not hesitate anymore

Just a little bit more courage to go

As long as you say you love me;

You'll have me

R.I.P young man

I believe everyone has been acknowledged about the top news recently : "A 22 years old good looking guy who committed suicide because his girl dumped him".

People tend to blame it on the girl but then in this era, everyone is just dumping each other. It's just that the girl is the unlucky one which she met a guy that really died for her. So stop blaming whoever. It might be disrespectful to claim that the guy is brainless. Some might think that he is brave enough to make the commitment "till death do us apart" but look, it's just a 4-months relationship. Do you think it is worth that your parents raised you up for 22 years while you just end your life in such naive way? Please consider for your family and friends before you do anything that would hurt them. Ending up your life gives them endless sorrows.

In a nutshell, stupidity and irrationality killed him.

I feel sad for his family. As a mother, I would think what if my daughter does the same shit? I couldn't imagine losing my child. Especially if my child is the one that chose to end her own life. Dying for someone is definitely not worthy and extremely stupid. People that really love you would hope that you live your life with fullness, not hurting yourselves. Hurting yourselves might at the same time hurt the people that love you. Suiciding is just selfish.

To most of the people, the biggest fear on earth is death. Life is precious. People get old, sick and die. We must do all the good things and do not waste any moment of our life. Who knows what would happen next? The fear of failing in relationships and the fear of losing someone you love are just a minor fear of your life. We should never stop living until God calls for you.

However, I still express my condolences for Alviss Kong and his family. Rest in Peace.

Treasure your LIFE.

Loved Once

Do you really want to take a break?

I wish I could hold you tight once again

I wish I could be your baby girl

I wish I could wait for you to come back to me

I wish I could let you to embrace my gentle

I wish I could tell you how much I miss you

How can you leave me in the dark?

How can you let me to wipe my own tears?

How can you bear to let me walk alone?

How can you be that cruel to stay away?

How can you forget our memories?

How can you let me to wait endlessly?

Maybe my love isn't enough for you

Maybe you really wish to walk away

Maybe I'm not brave enough to retrieve

Maybe I should move on

I hope missing you can be an excuse for me to forget about you

7000 miles away

We're getting further apart from each other

As in the distance of geographical and psychological

We are experiencing different time zone and culture now

I have no idea what are you doing ; who are u seeing

I want to talk to you so much

And I feel so untouched now;

I need you so much

I wish I'd never say goodbye

Maybe both of us are just too selfish

To spare some time for each other

We have been set free after moments of Zen

There are so much desperations craving

I started to doubt of our relationship

Will it still remain till the day you come back to me?

Somehow I couldn't forget about you

As I've gone insane since the day I met you

I want you here so much

It's not enough to just say I miss you

Simple isn't just simple

I always convince myself to live a meaningful youth life

But reality always seems to be different as what I hope

What I hope is just a simple life

But the simplest life ain't really that easy

Because nowadays people are just complicated

People I know might not be my friends

While my friends might betray me someday

I do not know when I'll be betrayed by one of them

All I could see are hidden devilish and fakes