Losing Grip

I live a dramatically life even though I'm just a 19 years old teenager.
I was rebellious, disobedient and all sorts of bad things.
I knew it but I just somehow couldn't get the dark side of me out.

I've made a lot of mistakes before in this young age.
Almost all the worst things had already been done by me.
Maybe on a the "15 worst thing to do list", I've done 13? LOL

However, lucky to be a blessed girl by God, the precious one in my family, I was given so many chances to change and move on to the right path.
Once and once I told myself to change and appreciate those chances.
Indeed, I'm the one who finally made the one that loves me disappointed.
Sometimes I had all my flashbacks of my past and saw the naive me, nothing else but regrets and I wish I had never live.


Now, I'm like standing on an endless staircase which I couldn't see what would happen if I choose to move on and go forward or should I might as well turn backwards?
I hope there's someone to lead me on.
All the sorrows now and then.
Do I still have or deserve a future?
I don't know.