Camouflage

If pretending to be happy is a fraud;

Then I'm guilty.

I'm going through real hard times.

Can I cry capriciously just for once?

Dilemma

No matter what I do

All I think about is you

Je t'aime

I want you to tell me the

8 Letters

3 Syllables

Words.

Snowman

Dear Mr. Snowman,

You always have a smile on your face.

Do you really feel happy?

Or you're just made to smile?

Taste of Bitter

I thought I have already hold my happiness firmly in my palms.

Eventually it just slipped away in silence.

It's a long night, I feel like as I am the only solitude in the world.

Alcohol is insufficient to anesthetize;

Cigarette is no longer the companion of loneliness;

Tears is unable to discharge my bleeding heart.

I'm numb and tired of this.

The payoffs we sacrificed brew our love.

I can still feel your breath in the air.

The only thing I am tranquil of.

The smell of the atmosphere makes me feel like kissing you.

Smoke; Has the impact of floating confusion.

Why do people smoke? It's simple.

Because smoking keeps people sober.

It's called nicotine paralysis.

Cigarette sacrifices itself for me.

I look at the dark cloudy sky;

Instantly I found the touch of lost.

This is the path of my choice.

I must finish it even crawling with my knees down.

Happiness has always seems to be distant;

Abstract; And hallucinate.

Despair might be the last exit of life.

I finally understand why could man end their life easily.

Because we might be able to hold a moment of tragic pain;

But we could not bear the loneliness day after day.

Boxing Day

Boxing Day symbolizes the end of Christmas.

I did not celebrate my Christmas this year like I used to.

I still prefer the tradition - celebrating with family and family friends.

I did not have turkey during my Christmas dinner.

I did not receive Christmas present.

I did not go to the church for Christmas celebration.

I did not get to decorate the Christmas tree with my family.

But being blessed, I heard Christmas caroling in accidental.

And, I heard the sweetest Merry Christmas from my most love one.

She even sang Jingle Bells to me.

'Last Christmas' is my favorite Christmas Song.

Last Christmas I give you my heart;

But the very next day you gave it away;

This year, to save me from tears;

I'll give it to someone special.

I miss my childhood;

When I got to exchange presents with friends;

When I wrote letter to Santa Claus;

When my parents were my Santa Claus;

When I got my Christmas gifts under the Christmas tree;

When I went to Christmas fancy dress party;

When I had my Christmas family dinner;

When I went to church for Christmas celebration;

When the caroling team came to my house and sing;

When I prayed and said Merry Christmas, Amen.

I wish my parents are still my Santa Claus.

I wish I can go home during Christmas.

I wish I can have a present to unwrap.

But all these are just unreachable wishes.

The one and only wish I wanted desperately;

I wish my family is here with me during Christmas.

4 Stages of Life

1. You believe in Santa Claus

2. You don't believe in Santa Claus

3. You are Santa Claus

4. You look like Santa Claus

Winter is so cold

It is Winter Solstice Festival today; Well known as Dongzhi.

One of the most important festivals celebrated by the Chinese.

Traditionally, it is a time for the family to get together.

The most important activity in this festival is:

Making and Eating glutinous rice balls; aka Tong Yuen.

Tong Yuen symbolizes family unity and prosperity.

However, I could not have reunion with my family today.

I can feel how cold the winter is.

Everyone around me is making their Tong Yuen with their family.

However, I am here sitting in front of the screen;

Looking for Tong Yuen images and my family portrait.

I envy those that are celebrating this festival with families.

You should appreciate and be grateful.

Anyway;

Happy Winter Solstice Festival.

Lost

Somehow I feel I'm in the middle of nowhere

I wonder where do I belong to?

Where would the next step leads me to?

Be strong, Cath

You're like my younger sister

Innocent and naive in a cute way
Used to be happy and out-going
I love to see you smile
So sweet and beautiful
I miss your laughter
So loud and funny
And last but not least
The way you curse - WTF?!

I know you're sad
This is just a stage of your life
You're still young there's a lot to learn
I've been through what you're experiencing
All you need is time to heal
Remember, this is not the worst thing
At least you still have your family & friends

Crying is to release your sorrows
So cry all you want
I'll cry together with you
As long as you know when to stop crying
You can't force yourself to erase the memory
It's part of your life
Just move on my dear :)

Sigh for Regrets

I wish I can lock myself in the tunnel of childhood memories

Head back to the age of innocence

All the time I wish I'd never be grown up

I want my childhood back so badly

Unconsciously I feel so cold-hearted

As it'll never feel good to be an adult

I don't want that

We spent a wonderful time together

I've started to miss you once I said goodbye

I hate this kind of relationship

More than a friend but not yet a couple

You told me I'm a special friend for you

But what I hope is more than a special friend

We're so close yet I could not enter your heart

I can't wait to know what will we become in the future

I just hope you would not hesitate anymore

Just a little bit more courage to go

As long as you say you love me;

You'll have me

R.I.P young man

I believe everyone has been acknowledged about the top news recently : "A 22 years old good looking guy who committed suicide because his girl dumped him".

People tend to blame it on the girl but then in this era, everyone is just dumping each other. It's just that the girl is the unlucky one which she met a guy that really died for her. So stop blaming whoever. It might be disrespectful to claim that the guy is brainless. Some might think that he is brave enough to make the commitment "till death do us apart" but look, it's just a 4-months relationship. Do you think it is worth that your parents raised you up for 22 years while you just end your life in such naive way? Please consider for your family and friends before you do anything that would hurt them. Ending up your life gives them endless sorrows.

In a nutshell, stupidity and irrationality killed him.

I feel sad for his family. As a mother, I would think what if my daughter does the same shit? I couldn't imagine losing my child. Especially if my child is the one that chose to end her own life. Dying for someone is definitely not worthy and extremely stupid. People that really love you would hope that you live your life with fullness, not hurting yourselves. Hurting yourselves might at the same time hurt the people that love you. Suiciding is just selfish.

To most of the people, the biggest fear on earth is death. Life is precious. People get old, sick and die. We must do all the good things and do not waste any moment of our life. Who knows what would happen next? The fear of failing in relationships and the fear of losing someone you love are just a minor fear of your life. We should never stop living until God calls for you.

However, I still express my condolences for Alviss Kong and his family. Rest in Peace.

Treasure your LIFE.

Loved Once

Do you really want to take a break?

I wish I could hold you tight once again

I wish I could be your baby girl

I wish I could wait for you to come back to me

I wish I could let you to embrace my gentle

I wish I could tell you how much I miss you

How can you leave me in the dark?

How can you let me to wipe my own tears?

How can you bear to let me walk alone?

How can you be that cruel to stay away?

How can you forget our memories?

How can you let me to wait endlessly?

Maybe my love isn't enough for you

Maybe you really wish to walk away

Maybe I'm not brave enough to retrieve

Maybe I should move on

I hope missing you can be an excuse for me to forget about you

7000 miles away

We're getting further apart from each other

As in the distance of geographical and psychological

We are experiencing different time zone and culture now

I have no idea what are you doing ; who are u seeing

I want to talk to you so much

And I feel so untouched now;

I need you so much

I wish I'd never say goodbye

Maybe both of us are just too selfish

To spare some time for each other

We have been set free after moments of Zen

There are so much desperations craving

I started to doubt of our relationship

Will it still remain till the day you come back to me?

Somehow I couldn't forget about you

As I've gone insane since the day I met you

I want you here so much

It's not enough to just say I miss you

Simple isn't just simple

I always convince myself to live a meaningful youth life

But reality always seems to be different as what I hope

What I hope is just a simple life

But the simplest life ain't really that easy

Because nowadays people are just complicated

People I know might not be my friends

While my friends might betray me someday

I do not know when I'll be betrayed by one of them

All I could see are hidden devilish and fakes

This time

Do you know?

I'm waiting for you

True happiness

I can truly feel happiness when my daughter says :

Mami, wo ai ni!

Brink

Your cold forced freedom to fly alone

I clenched loneliness in my palms

And filled the hollow of tender

I just fear the consequences would be worse

Our memories occupied the fall of tolerance

I could not bear to let go

I struggled and hoping to put it aside

But the feelings of love and hate lost grips

Despite of all the fights; Love never fades

The passion of love still arise

I can feel sparks as we kiss

You wipe off my tears

You say you love me

And I love you too

Sorry, blame it on me

Although there's always a diva in me
I hope you know that I'm faithful in our relationship
I hold your hands because I want you to walk with me
Complete the undone paths in the future together

I can still feel your breath in the air
Please don't leave me

Mark your time

Time passes by so fast while you don't realize.

Time heals the pain you gained through the years.

Time leads you to move on your life.

Time enables you to grow and change in point of view.

However, time would never erase the memories of me and you.

Yearning

I woke up from my dream.

But I'd hope I never.

I wish that I could stay longer in there.

Because I happened to see all of you.

My family - Mom, Dad, Joan & Cynthia.

I talked to Mom & Dad.

I met Joan & Cynthia at the beach.

I felt so bliss to see your laughter.

I heard Cynthia calling me Mom.

The sweetest voice I've ever heard.

I was about to hug you in my arms.

But I opened my eyes.

Why? I just want to hold you even it's just a dream.

Why'd I have to wake up at that moment?

It has been so long that we have been apart.

I don't know how much I missed all of you.

Especially you, Cynthia.

I love you so much.

And I yearn to see you so badly.

Vicissitude

It's raining now;

And tears are falling from my eyes.

It's so cold outside.

Like the way I'm feeling inside

I still have the rose you gifted me.

Standing in the vase next to my window.

It looks so elegant.

Gazing at the raindrops crawling on the glass.

Awaiting for you to come back to me.

Somehow the rose might feel fatigue.

Leaves and petals are falling.

Yellow and beautiful.

It once gleamed its glamorous.

However, it started to wilt as our love fades.

I miss you so much.

And I enjoy the moment of sleeping.

Because I can see you in my dreams.

All the happiest moments and memories flash back.

And I have your arms around me.

It's so warm and sweet.

We cuddle, we hug and we kiss.

You kiss on my forehead.

But when I open my eyes, you're gone.

I struggled so hard wishing that I would never wake up.

I hope I could just stay in my dreams.

I wish you never leave.

I wonder why'd it have to come to an end?

Do you know?

"Give each other space for sometimes" is just a polite way in saying: "Let's just break up".

He said that I'm stupid, foolish and fucking inconsiderate. Unworthy of attention and trust.

Seems like I'm the one always letting you to feel down and hurt.

I never meant to hurt you, the way I know I have.

I know I shouldn't be living in the life I used to live.

Because now, you're part of my life.

It shouldn't be call my life but our life.

I hope that you would forgive me for the pain I caused.

I want you to know that you have my heart.

And I love you.

However, I know you wouldn't care me as you used to do.

You said I don't deserve it.

I had a heartache when you said that.

Your care and affection used to be sweet and lovely.

I really do appreciate that and I hope you won't stop caring.

I don't wanna do whatever I want without you.

You don't trust me.

I understand that trust is to be earned.

I broke my promise once and destroyed the trust.

But I'm used to the life I used to live.

I need some time of transitions to cope up with this.

I used to have a happening and fabulous single life.

But it's just my past I chose to make a change.

And I'm trying my best to.

Because people need to grow up and move on.

I've experienced enough fun in my single life.

Now I want a stable partner to lead me forward.

It's just I got the feeling of the right time and fate with the right person.

And being together with you isn't boring at all.

I enjoy every moment of us.

Somehow, I fear of something.

I'm not sure of whether I'm the only one.

I don't wanna be like one of them.

I just want to be your only baby girl.

It's just seems like you always let me out of your life.

You don't want me to interrupt in your life.

Whereby actually I love to know about your feelings.

I hope that I can be the one that share your burdens.

I care about you.

Eventually it ended up you want to call it off for a while.

To figure out and make a choice?

But the truth is I don't need any decision making sessions.

I don't need my old life back.

I just want to be the special one for you.

I don't want to be just a friend.

Darkness

I enjoy moment of meditation in the balcony
Feel the breeze and the silence at night
And I ignite the flame of loneliness
I inhale the sorrows and puff
It turns into mist and ashes
I taste the emptiness and despair
It freezes my thoughts
The breeze takes my grieved mist away
And ashes sacrifice by burning themselves
My best companion in the darkness

That truly fills my void

Women are like cigarette, Men are like wine

Women are like cigarette;

need combustion to show her wonderful fragrance hidden in her bones.

Women are like cigarette;

the burning of each degree is like an Elegy of Life,

into an aromatic and flammable destruction of time.

Women are like cigarette;

A woman's life continues in the ring of ignition,

while the consequences of getting hurt;

is the beginning of another story.

Women are like cigarette;

Until the tobacco has gone out of the cigarette,

a woman's romance has also gone away with ashes.

Women are like cigarette;

need fire to ignite her passion and glory.

Men are like wine;

at the first glance, as calm and clear as water.

But such a transparent crystal-clear alcohol,

is a burning and aromatic thick liquor.

It's difficult to distinguish good or bad.

Men are like wine;

the longer it is stored, the more valuable it is.

Men are like wine;

the surface of the bottle has no real sense of measurement,

have to be drank to investigate the depth.

Men are like wine;

if you can't drink much, do not tend to grab one,

certainly not everyone can afford to endure the feeling of getting drunk.

Men are like wine;

having a sip can let you get tipsy and high,

once addicted, it would lead to trouble and pain,

the integration of sadness and tears in the middle of the night.

Men are like wine;

however the mass drinkers tasting good wine,

are always women.

What if someday?

What if someday, when you dial my number;
the voice mail tells you that I have shut down?

Promise me not to be sad, lost, nor remember someone like me.

What if someday, when your phone no longer rings frequently;
when you never receive text messages from me?

Please do not wait nor look for me, so that I can be assured to leave.

What if someday, I no longer annoy you, or be stubborn or get mad at you;

I no longer bargain on the phone to talk longer;

I no longer clamoring for kisses and hugs;

Will you still be sad if you lost someone like me?

What if someday, there isn't any pitiful texts in your inbox urging to meet you;

there isn't any ferocious texts claiming that i don't want to talk to you;

there isn't any texts throwing tantrum like a baby saying i hate you;

there isn't any nonsense or stupid texts in your inbox;

there isn't any sweet and gentle texts in your inbox;

Will you feel depressed?

What if someday, your life without me;

will you remember all the good things of me;

my love, care and tolerance;

will you remember my silly things;

my madness, tears and reluctantly sayings;

will you?

What if someday, you try to erase me from your memory;

will you forget every moment we have been through;

will you forget what I like, what offence me;

will you forget our happiness and pain;

will you forget our promises and deal?

I will never forget the beautiful memories of us.

If I left, do not let the pain to walk you over;

do not let your happiness to escape from you.

What if someday, you no longer have me in your life?

Try to forget the memory of my traces.

Because I'm afraid you will be upset and miss me.

You might not love me;

but you might get used of my texts, calls and how i rely on you.

Till the day I leave;

I still hope you might get upset;

but just a little bit for a little while.

As long as you still have a little memory of me.

The Solitude

Le ciel obscure, La solitude qui nous rend
La peineLa ceour brise, a cause qu’il y a vécu seul
L’amour est parti il y a longtemp que je t'ai vu
C'est trop long C'est incroyable que je peux vivre comme ca

The sky darkened; the loneliness that makes us

The sentence ceour breeze; because he lived there alone

The love is gone long ago I saw you
It's too long; It's amazing that I can live like this

Sometimes he is cold and judgmental;
Sometimes he gets frustrated at me;
Sometimes he is easily turned off;
Sometimes he is arrogant and unforgiving.
That's his way of showing that I'm SPECIAL.
He cares about me.

I'm sentimental and emotional.
This is the inner side of me;
I spent most of my time alone thinking of life.
I found that love always gives illusions in my life.

We both changed after we knew each other.
Changed as in lifestyle and attitude.
Gradually learning of toleration and love.
Hoping that a relationship gonna work out.
Though sometimes we are upset with each other.
Honesty can solve. Confessions are important.

A warm hug and a kiss on the forehead win more than words.

Drama Maniac

I found 2 television series interesting and would like to share.

The Vampire Diaries

Vampire Diaries tells the story of 2 vampire brothers, Stefan Salvatore and Damon Salvatore who are in love with the same human, Elena Gilbert and soon they caught in a love triangle. The brothers are being haunted by the past they've had with Katherine Pierce, having the same face as Elena. The story revolves in the fictional town of Mystic Falls.

This is Elena Gilbert / Katherine Pierce. Isn't she beautiful?

And I found Damon Salvatore hot and good looking with marvelous figure!

__________________________________________________

Nikita

Nikita is a thriller television drama starring Maggie Q as Nikita, a spy and assassin who has gone rogue. She is now determined to take down Division, the secret government agency that recruited her before. Meanwhile the Division continues to train new young killers.

Maggie Q, the smoking hot Nikita.

Happy Birthday Babe♥

It's 2nd of November 2010!

My babe Connie's 21st birthday :)

I love you. I miss you.

Wish that you'll have a wonderful birthday.

お誕生日おめでとう！

Loneliness

For all the time I feel lonely and empty that nobody truly understands me.

I might look out-going and cheerful.

Sometimes someone might thought that I'm naive.

And they would thought that they're the mature ones.

People tend to lecture me in their way of working out.

But for me, I don't like to cope with people;

Nor agree with any of their incorrect thoughts just for the sake of unity.

I have my own thoughts and that's why I don't simply flatter people.

I might be seemed too playful and immature.

That's because you don't know me well.

Life is short, we should have fun.

But I'm forced to keep the image that I shouldn't being fooling around.

Why? Just because I'm a mother so I shouldn't do what other teenagers are doing?

I play hard but I know my responsibilities.

I learn from all my mistakes which not every teenagers made before.

I might be weak in love which sometimes I couldn't bear with my feelings.

All along I act to be strong I cover myself with mask.

However I wish to take it off and be an ordinary girl.

Calling myself a girl, I wish to be loved, to be pampered, to be cared.

I wish there's someone to be right beside me.

Even in silence, I just need a person to keep me alive.

A companion that doesn't need to talk much.

I just want a word of encouragement that there's still someone who cares.

So that I can feel I still have some true friends.

For some time I don't want any romance or passion.

What I need now is a big warm hug. A sincere one.

All I need is faith and sincerity in a friendship.

All I need is trust and love in a relationship.

All I need is someone to free myself from the jail of loneliness.